Even if the punchline was the 1%, the joke would. Just hearing out loud descriptions of giddy sh*t-covered incest. It doesn't matter what it's called! And bring back f***ing major world leaders of the past 60 years, like Hitler. WebTHE JOKE LEADS ME DOWN ONE PATH, AND THEN IT SWITCHES THE PATH ON ME SUDDENLY, AND IT HITS ME WITH A HAMMER. He was like our rehearsal director when dad and my brother weren't there, and my mother and my nana weren't there. Just back away from me. Genghis Kahn, for god sakes. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [Laughing] Oh, Berlioz. Dana Gould: It's the perfect joke. [Sniffling][Sloshing][Splat]Yeah! But right now it's time we concerned ourselveswith self-improvement. Woody: [Walks to an alien and picks it up] Hello. They're the one's who rescued you from drowning. That is not kind of you. "Moe, Larry, the cheese!" Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Come along, Duchess. Okay. Duchess Oh, how nice. [Quasimodo splashes water on his face as the screen brightens]. Doug Stanhope: So it's finally just a whole prolapsed rectum. Amelia: And by the way, when we get to Paris,you must meet Uncle Waldo. In that sense, its the ideal joke for a comedy documentary. I know it's Georges. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Oh, indeed I do. Please,let me explain. Multiplied by nine times. Roquefort:[ Panting ] Mr.O'Malley, I've heard your name. Frogs: [singing] There's so much to say, but we have all day. Lewis Black: That's, that's actually, a really great idea to pitch to a network. This clip was included in a documentary about the joke, also called The Aristocrats, which featured various actors Mark Elliott: On sale now, you can eventually own the Academy-Award winning box office hit, the most spoke-about movie of the year, the one video the entire world has been waiting for. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Oh, Edgar, they're back! Let's rock the joint! I'm frightfully sorry, sir! [The movie logo appears] "The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh". O'Malley: No, no. The stormwill soon pass. He tries to shut it, but the alley cats attack]. [Shrieking] What's going on?! Andy Richter: And they eat the poop off the floor. Did you haveany luck at all? Buzz Lightyear: To infinity. Duchess: [Laughing]Oh, darling. Abigail: A roue. Kyle keeps interrupting him as the story gets more filthy, but Cartman simply disregards him and continues. Georges Hautecourt: Ah, still the softest handsin all of Paris, eh? [We cut to Robin Williams in the recording booth]. And I'm gonna shine my shoes with my vagina juices, put 'em back on, tap-tap-tap, do a split, and that's the act! Duchess: Why, Mr. O'Malley,you could have lost your life. Okay, baby. We must both lookour best for Georges when he gets here. I thought he'd never leave! It's a totally different show. I've just gotto find them. And the talent agent says, What do you call yourselves? And the father sticks his chest out and goes, The Aristocrats. Now, come on. WebIn the film, Gottfried said hed heard the joke called The Aristocrats, The Sophisticates, and Blood Shit and Come and Eating Each Other Out and Fistfucking a Dog but Edgar Balthazar: Oh, ho! I love 'em. [winks]Right off the cuff, yeah. Elevators arefor old people. He's been hereall the time. You eitherare or you're not. Duchess: Oh! How could I forget him? The joke itself generally begins with a family auditioning for a talent agency. Edgar! Edgar Balthazar: What the?! Roquefort: Oh, please! And just as he gave life to "Cinderella" and "Pinocchio". Georges Hautecourt: [ Laughing ]Come on, Edgar. Andy's birthday festival's been movedto today. They've got a paper route, they go to school and then you f*** 'em. Then we see a picture of Walt Disney]. Uncle Waldo: Whoopee! Uncle Waldo: [Laughter]Now, now, now, now. Marie: Oh noI wouldn'ttake up much room. What's this? Call the cops! [to Roquefort] Strike one. Berlioz: Just a nickname I gave you, "Roque-fort"? Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Now don't move. In The Aristrocrats, Saget stole the show with one of the filthiest jokes ever committed to film. Duchess: Over here, darling. Guard #1: (Tries to get back up, but Achilles sits on him) Woah! Scat Cat: [ Chuckling ] Say! Georges Hautecourt: Evening. [1] Gottfried quickly launched into the infamous So if you would be just so kind. Kyle: [after Cartman finishes the joke] I don't get it. The jokes setup and punch line often remain the same, but the midsection is improvised. You're going to travel first class[onscreen]in your ownprivate compartment[offscreen]all the wayto Timbuktu. Mark Elliott: Coming to video. He tears himself free and forces the door open and falls over backwards. Aufwiedersehen. Even if the punchline was the 1%, the joke would. Here we go. Good heavens! When they're seen upon an airing. O'Malley: [Chuckles]Now that's quite a family. sporkythespaz. [offscreen]Huh, and those kids. Mark Elliott: The third and final chapter of the emotional trilogy. It's from Carmen,isn't it? Mark Elliott: The "Toy Story: Animated Storybook" and "Toy Story: The Video Game", from Disney Interactive! Roquefort: [Whispering]So he's the cat-napper! And come to think of it, O'Malley,you're not a cat, you're a rat. Why, there are a millionreasons why I should! It does look hopeless,doesn't it? All of a sudden the kid can't take it, diarrhea starts shooting out of his ass. Duchess: Oh, I'm delightedto meet you, Monsieur Scat Cat. Upward and onward! [We cut to Scud running to the camera barking, and Woody shrieks as the camera zooms in on his butt]. Duchess:Very good, darling. Hurry, hurry! Aristocats[ Singing ln French ]. The horse blocks the road. Amelia: "Exactly"? I know, i know, i still need to get the cast names in there and i'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any. Napoleon:Now this is no timeto turn chicken. Those cats have got to go! But now we have tocook up a little spell. George carlin shares his version of the aristocrats joke. Roquefort: I've got to find him. Please,you must stop that. I'll show you a little bit later. "Saranora," and allthose goodbye things, baby. The details of the joke change with every telling (and It probes the darkest, sickest places of the The acts described involve incest, pedophilia, sodomy, coprophilia, coprophagia, and impressions of the victims of 9/11. AND BAM! In all our days,in tender ways,her love for uswas shown. Duchess, it's wonderfulto have you all back. Robin Williams: It's a kindler, gentler genie! I don't understand why he would say that. [Hissing]. Edgar Balthazar: Whoa, Frou-Frou, whoa. Napoleon: Hush your mouth! Abigail: Oh, how horribly nice! You're comin' on. O'Malley:[offscreen]Move! Alright? "The "Aristocrats. Although the talent agent initially brushes them off as too 'cutesy', he is eventually persuaded to allow them to show him their act. [ Grunting ] Okay, Laffy, you're right, it's the end. Thank you all. Cartman: You guys want to hear a funny joke my grandpa told me? To my cats. Berlioz: Come on, " Rodeford." Genie Chorus: [singing] There's a festival in Agrabah! Edgar, old chap, get used tothe finer things of life. No, it's less than that. Hey, hold up there. [Screen fades to reveal more clips] Aladdin and Jasmine's dreams are eventually coming true. Dig thesefancy wigwams. I havea cracker with me. [After the Walt Disney Pictures logo, silent clips of "Aladdin" and "Aladdin 2" are shown]. Scat Cat:Hold it, cats! I've heard the "joke." Uhoh, yes. Next Why, you'll, you'll wake upthe whole neighborhood! Mangy tramps! [ Chuckling ]. Amelia: Of course, my dear. It's "Roquefort". The Aristocats! [Then we see the torn and tattered Quasimodo close the cathedral doors, transitioning to the Feast of Fools]. A family walks in to a talent. We want to hear it. Whoo-whoo! Lafayette:Well, he didn't hurt me. The 100 Best Albums of 2022, But thats a whole other story, he deadpanned. Being British, I wouldhave preferred sherry. The male gamete, or sperm, and the female gamete, the egg or ovum, meet in the female's reproductive system. Bob Saget: Can I get a copy of this? Heel, roll over, play dead! [ Sighing ], Lafayette: Well, shootfire, man. Would you agree with that? Kittens! O'Malley: Show you the way? Duchess:Oh, thank you so muchfor offering us your home. Hole in the left sole,it sounds like. Stocks and bonds? Hey, Lafayette. Berlioz? [ Humming ]Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ayTa-ra-ra-boom-de--Oops! Its an opportunity for the grossest part of a comics brain to go wild. O'Malley:Wellguess they won'tneed me any more. Look at this! Wendy Liebman: The Cocksucking Motherf***ers. Aristocats are never found inalley ways or hanging around. Scat Cat:What's a little swinger like youdoin' on our side oftown? Fisherman's luck. And this time, ha,you'll never come back. Hop aboard the motorcycle. WebThis 19th-century aristocrat was a spoiled rich boy who never grew up and a man who would often take delight in other peoples misfortune. O'Malley: [sighs] Duchess, there's something I need to ask you. Napoleon: Wait a minute. I was asleep a winkall day. [offscreen]Gethim, get him, get him, get him! And then the rest of the band's gonna jump up and we're gonna sing "Shine Your Shoes, Shine Your Shoes." See what happens to Hitler's dick. All thoselittle kittens of yours, Duchess. Let'sget back into the basket, all of us! Here, kitty, kitty, kitty,kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty! Oh, no! Thomas is, a dear friend of ours. Then the son lays down on the floor and opens his mouth, and the mother tears off tear-away pants, squats down over his face and starts shitting all over him. They start going down on each other all different kinds of combinations, there's 69, there's 29, cause the kids are young, there's 9. How did they develop this act! The Aristocrats Sketch Mark Elliott: And everyone's favorite characters. Come on! [ Laughing ]. Everythingyou possess? O'Malley: Well, of course. [ Mumbling ]. Edgar Balthazar: [singing] Rock-a-bye, kittiesBye-bye you goLa la la laand I'm in the dough [spoken]Oh, Edgar,you sly old fox! Are you all right? It looks like a serated sea snake. You know. Thank goodness you're safe! This is what this joke is about anyway, it's about using your kids. He told me justto mention his name. I just love them. I'm outta here! SMASH FLIX. Mark Elliott: Walt Disney Pictures presents an all-new animated motion picture event. If we're going to Paris ourselves, why don't youjoin us? O'Malley: All right, step lively! Oh, I meanyour pad. O'Malley: I'll bet they're onthat magic carpet right now. The work of a genius. Smile. Maybe it would come out right now as an Duchess: Oh. Ooh, it's them shoes again. They'll be gone. The Aristocrats Joke, Card Trick. Why, oh, why, is he allowing this to happen!" Georges Hautecourt: And how we celebrated your success! Well if a guy is fist f***ing his daughter, who's young, and her a**hole is pretty small, and this is a grown man with a big hand. Gottfried claimed he was unable to get a direct flight, because "they had to make a stop at the Empire State Building." Roquefort:H-How about--O' Grady? Edgar Balthazar: Madame, uh-- May I takeyour parcel, Madame? Magic carpetit's gonna be. Gilbert Gottfried Aristocrats joke (2) VindictivePotato. Jon Stewart: Just the other day I was eating my own sh*t. Jon Ross: And then, the denouement the butt f***ing. Aristocats are never found in alley Genie Chorus: [singing] They're eventually getting married at the festivalof Agrabaahhhh!!!! Uncle Waldo: Girls, it's outrageous! Marie: But, mama, do wehave sparklingsapphire eyes that dazzle too? Lafayette: He's back on the moter-thingy. Will you hold on, please. with the starsas our guide. In the 2005 documentary the aristocrats, bob saget stole the show with a wildly inappropriate take on a classic joke. He had one of the most iconic voices in hollywood, most. This joke may contain profanity. Duchess: Another flight intothe fantasy, Monsieur O'Malley? One joke prevails over all others, however: The Aristocrats, a joke comedians keep back to tell each other (or themselves, as a warm-up act). Meee-owww! You justdon't understand. [After the Walt Disney Pictures logo, we fade to a black background]. It slides out of the stable as a truck pulls up]. Oh, they'll need help. And Ann suggests that they all go into the drawing room, where Ann then braids Betsy's beautiful blonde hair. Don't be frightened. Startmentioning name, rodent. Duchess:[offscreen]His name is O'Malley. My grandfather is the jockey, comes in third and paid $2.80! Hugh hefner, gilbert gottfried and the filthiest joke ever toldfrom 2005 the documentary 'the aristocrats' directed by paul provenza, penn jillette In addition to detailing the history of the joke,. Bill Maher: It's a family act, but it's a twist because they're retarded. Mm. Lafayette: Well, where'smy beddie-bye basket!? I'mRoquefort by the way, I need your help,Duchess! Abigail: And you, dear,you take this place. All aboard for Paris! Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [offsceen] Well, as you know, my friend,I have no living relatives,and naturally, I wantmy beloved catsto be alwayswell whatever cared for. After the punchline, Kyle says he doesn't get the joke, to which Cartman responds, "Neither do I.". We can bring in people from the past, because we can do that now you know they got those commercials with Humphrey Bogart and all that other bullshit. After it! Hmm? It's a totally different show. Edgar Balthazar: Alright: The coast is clear. Abigail: Mr. O'Malley, I think youshould be the rear end. Right off your cuff. WebThe aristocrats is a notoriously filthy joke using scatological humor. The middle is improvised, with gross, incetuous and obscene sexual acts often the topic of choice. "Oh, we're N*gger C*nts. Size nine-and-a-half. Every member of the family, including the dog, violates one another orally, digitally, and genitally. Lafayette: I'll see ya in the morning,Napoleon. It's creme de la cremeala Edgar. I-- I couldnever leave her. Yes! Right. Until gottfried, the aristocrats was mostly an inside joke among comedians. Why, I'll, I'll eatmy hat if they-- My hat! Joe Franklin: A man walks into a talent agent's office and says that he has an act Kyle: Cart-, Cart-, Cartman, I don't want to Cartman: [cutting off Kyle] Kyle! Good evening, Duchess. Thieves: [singing] Scheming up a scam, out on a limb. Clickety-clickety-clickety. Berlioz: I'll bet it's morethan a thousand. Marie: And Marie. I'm afraid it was justthe imagination of an old lady. Frollo: [To Phoebus, unimpressed] Look at that disgusting display. Now, run along downstairs. O'Malley: Are you sure we'reon the right street where you live? Web- The "Aristocrats." A family walks in to a talent agency. There's no legal system at all in play in a joke. Roquefort: [Yawns]So, that'sCreme de la cremeala Edgar. Scat Cat: Well, Marie my little lady,let me elucidate here. Uh-oh. Mark Elliott: "Toy Story", the newest Disney sensation on video. For the aristocrats, the wholesome tv dad dreamt up one of the most depraved setups ever for one killer punchline. You know, I mean, one of those--. It's a motorcycle. Just we two. Brian Cummings: "Billy Bunny's Animal Songs". Sam:[offscreen]Well, Mac, this must be the trunk, eh? Right? Napoleon: 'Cause I outrank you,that's why. The joke was the subject of a 2005 documentary film of the same name. O'Malley: [offscreen]See ya around, tiger! Marie: Ladies do not start fights, Buster, but they can finish them. Away! Ooh. Roquefort: [Sniffiing]Mm! Phenomenal. It's a mother, father, their son and daughter, and a little baby. And aristocatic flair in what they do and what they say. Oh! Will. Because you're probably saying, if you have any sense of human decency, "Well, why didn't he stop them the minute he saw the father unzipping his pants!" Hey, now the squeakin'has stopped. [We cut to the thieves pointing their swords around Aladdin, Abu and Iago to the beat of the music] Taking whatever we please! And when we get to Paris,I'll show you the time of your life. Berlioz: But he had a mouthlike a "hippolotamus.". Abigail: And look at his crooked smile. Mama, I'm afraid! Oh. Scat Cat:Mousy, you just struck out. Buzz Lightyear: [Presses the red circle button again and closes his wings] Thank you. Amelia: Oh! The film was created by penn jillette with paul provenza and was released in 2005. Ooh, ooh, ooh! Duchess: Now, now, my darling. Clopin: Up there, high, high in the dark bell tower lives the mysterious bell ringer. Marie: [singing] Doe me sodoe doe so me doeEvery truly culturedmusic student knowsYou must learn your scalesand your arpeggios[Catching A Breath]Bring the music ringingFrom your chestand not your noseWhile you sing your scalesand your arpeggios, Berlioz: [singing] If you're faithful toYour daily practicingYou will find your progressis encouragingDoe me so me doe me so mefa la so it goesWhen you do your scalesand your arpeggios, Duchess andMarie: [Singing]Doe me so doe, doe so me doeDoe me so doedoe so me doeThough at fiirst it seemsas though it doesn't showLike a tree, abilitywill root and grow, Toulouse: Duchess andMarie: lf you're smartyou'll learn by heartWhat every artist knows, Duchess andMarie:You must sing your scales, Edgar Balthazar: Ah, good evening,my little ones. Roquefort: Mm. There's always something new and emotional from Disney. Woody: This is the perfect time to panic! You know, they make the morningradiant and light. It's showtime! Lil' Rush I'll be spitting feathers for a week. It's just beyondthat next chimney pot. Frogs: [singing] Needeep, croak, ribbit, croak, needeep. O'Malley needs help! Oh, gracious! Neighborhood! Remember when I took you to Sea World? The talent agent goes, Hmm, thats an interesting act,' Gottfried says. Oh, no! Come here, my darlings. O'Malley: Uh-huh, yeah. Sarah Silverman: Joe Franklin loved The Aristocrats. O'Malley: How 'bout youand me, Duchess? Whoo-whoo! 0. Milkman:Sapristi! [The Walt Disney Masterpiece Collection logo appears]. Hello, kittens. O'Malley:[offscreen]Look, I'mgonna need help right away. [ Grunting ]Hey! You should pronounce my name correctly. Frou-Frou grabs Edgar by the jacket. Jillette and Provenza tell dirty jokes. Get-- Get washed downa storm drain. Madame isexpecting you, sir. Carole Jeghers: There's never been a better time to make the dream come true. The Aristocats! YOU HAVE OUTSTRETCHED YOURSELF WHEN YOU'RE DOING IT RIGHT, ON MAKING IT AS HORRIFIC AS YOU CAN. Mark Elliott: He lived a solitary life behind stone walls. WebThe Aristocats! It's awful and some blood starts dripping down her leg. Toulouse: Don't worry, mama, we will. Scat Cat: [to the others]I don't dig him. So the talent agent says, "All right, you've got two minutes." Get her! WebThe Aristocrats "The Aristocrats" (also called "The Debonaires" or "The Sophisticates" in some tellings) is a taboo-defying off-color joke that has been told by numerous stand-up Milkman: Sacrebleu! O'Malley: Oh, how sweet. Which I know is kind of an understatement, because youre saying, If you have any sense of human decency, just say, Why didnt the talent agent just stop them in the beginning? Title of infamous joke without a punchline. Scratch one butler. Le Petit Caf Chef: Sacrebleu! Oh, please! [Hugo keeps spitting as Victor now comes to life]. O'Malley:Boy, your eyesare like sapphires. Edgar Balthazar: Oh, they won't find a clueto implicate me. She's a real sexy nine-year-old. 0:55. And that was my vacation. All: Everybody, everybody Everybody wantsto be a cat (2x), Frou Frou:Everybody (2x) Everybody wants to be a cat[ Giggling ], Uncle Waldo: EverybodyWhoopee! [offscreen]Any womanwould like it. Uncle Waldo: Oh, righto, girls. Abigail: You really did quite wellfor a beginner. Shall we keep himin the family? dvdsuper1. He's nothing but a cad. O'Malley: No trouble at all,little princess. Uh, not exactlyyour type, Duchess. [7] It was the subject of a 2005 documentary film of the same name by Paul Provenza and Penn Jillette. Very good. Amelia: Yes, that's a question. Lafayette:Okay,man, let's charge. [Esmeralda throws a guard's helmet at three guards on horses and it ricochets off their helmets], [In another shot, the fat guard swings his sword at his helmet and yells in pain, but we cut to Phoebus ducking under the incoming helmet, which hits the wall behind him], [A jester wearing long legged boots kicks four guards in their crotches, launching them into the air. Amelia: Now listen to this, I am Amelia Gabble,and this is my sister--. This-- Well, this mansion? [Chuckling] Now this calls for another cracker. And certainly no one can do this betterthan my faithful servant, Edgar. Web. Last oneup the stairs is a nincompoop. [Grunting]. Everyone can have nightmares sometimes. And poor Madamedidn't sleep a wink either. Edgar Balthazar: Great. This is reallynot lady like. [Laughing]You're making it very difficult. Duchess: Thomas, Madamewill be so worried. Toulouse: But you know what? Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: There now, Duchess. Amelia: And don't worry about form, sir. Mark Elliott: "Aladdin" showed you an entire new world. "The Aristocrats" is a taboo-defying off-color joke that has been told by numerous stand-up comedians and dates back to the vaudeville era. [Clips of "The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh" are shown]. And don't worry. Ahh! O'Malley: Duchess, this isthe greatest cat of'em all: Scat Cat. Duchess:I'll never forget you,Thomas O'Malley. Napoleon: Wha-Wha--What's goin' on? Splendid! Huh? Lafayette [offscreen]I got him, I got him, I got him! Amelia! Disney classic animated feature aristocats script (version 1.0) disclaimer: Which pets are blessed with the fairest forms and faces? There's incest. Whee! Lafayette:Oh, but Napoleon, we done bitsix tires today. Mr. O'Malley knows a placewhere we can stay tonight, and tomorrow we can all go home. WebWatch more:Gilbert Gottfried solves a murder mystery at Disney World: https://youtu.be/URuNJvtlGT0Gilbert Gottfrieds Dead Pet Turtle: Edgar Balthazar: Must be round here somewhere. Edgar Balthazar: Oh, please, sir, justhold on! And aristocatic flair in whatthey do and what they say. O'Malley:Okay. Until gottfried, the aristocrats was mostly an inside joke among comedians. Oh, are you all right? Another cat slides a hook under the harness. Berlioz: I'm coming, Mama. Phoebus: She's very lucky to have a friend like you. Marie: Goody. O'Malley: Well, uh, you seeI-l'm not exactlyher husband. Mark Elliott: With it's all-new 37th animated motion picture! We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly. Roquefort:Oh, now, wait a minute,fellas. Why, your eyes are like sapphires,sparkling so bright. They get the baby halfway in so that just his legs are sticking out all kicking and flailing around, and the son takes the mother's shit out of his mouth and starts rubbing it all over everyone while the father sticks his cock in the baby's asshole and fucks it while it's still inside the mother, until he cums all over the baby, the wife, the son and the daughter. Let's be nice to our new friends. The cast (in order of appearance) opening song vocals maurice chevalier madame adelaide bonfamille. WebTHE JOKE LEADS ME DOWN ONE PATH, AND THEN IT SWITCHES THE PATH ON ME SUDDENLY, AND IT HITS ME WITH A HAMMER. Which pets are proneto hardly any flaws? I got a million of 'em. It probes the darkest, sickest places of the comedian. Duchess: [Laughing]Why, monsieur,your name seems to coverall of Europe. And so, you see,we can't leave her alone. because in a joke that's what happens. Mark Elliott: Walt Disney Home Video invites you back into the world where toys come to life. But I was so surethat I heard them. Duchess! You know, this isthe low-rent district, remember? O'Malley: Duchess and kittens in trouble? - What? [We cut to a pencil animation test of Genie turning into a construction worker]. I think it's wrong I've done a lot of PSA's do NOT f*** your family. Georges Hautecourt: Adelaide, that,that music. [Squeaking][Clattering] Oh! Maybe you fellon your head. [Laughing]. Abigail: [offscreen]Fancy that, a cat learning how to swim. Edgar Balthazar: The police say it wasa professional, masterful job. And the whole family starts running around screaming and laughing with their dicks and tittles all flapping around, covered with piss and shit and cum, goin', Learn More About The New Episode - Japanese Toilets. O'Malley:Well, now, wait a minute. Someday, we might meeta tough alley cat. I was on his show he said it wasn't a taped show, but we, like, did a show yeah, it was his office. Berlioz: Andyou said we're gonnaride on your magic carpet. It's not fair! Birds of a feathermust [ Hic ] together. Oh, dear! We're geese. Bob Saget: There's my friend Paul and right now I'm looking at his dinger. The- this family walks into a talent agency. O'Malley: Oh, thank you. Hugo: [Spits the straw and feathers out of its mouth] Man! Whoo-whoo! [ Singing ]Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ayTa-ra-ra-boom-de-ay[Humming]. It will come later. [O'Malley pounces. Duchess: Now, Marie, let's leaveToulouse to his painting. Duchess: Now, now, darlings. Move! What's all the yellin'about, huh? Hugh hefner, gilbert gottfried and the filthiest joke ever toldfrom 2005 the documentary 'the aristocrats' directed by paul provenza, penn jillette. But, anyway, he says, "What is it called?" Old picklepuss Edgar! Ooh. Duchess: Marie, darling. What do you think? O'Malley:Well, if you're applyingfor the job, well--. "Stuffed with chestnuts"? 2005. Napoleon:I got a feelin' this caseis gonna bust wide open. A family walks in to a talent agency. Hey! BAM THEM WITH AS POLITE A Here I come! [We transition to the Sega Genesis version of the level, "Really Inside the Claw Machine", where Woody's game play is in first-person mode] It's "the most amazing 16-bit game ever made". Lafayette: I still say it wasa little old cricket bug. A few seconds later, Hugo comes to life, spitting a bird's nest out of its mouth]. WebIts an opportunity for the grossest part of a comics brain to go wild. 1 Mar. Mysterious Cat-napperAbducts Family of Cats." Duchess: You know something,Thomas, your friends arereally delightful. The mysterious bell ringer ways, her love for uswas shown, incetuous and obscene sexual acts often the of... Ca n't take it, diarrhea starts shooting out of his ass my! Story, he deadpanned aristocrats joke script do not start fights, Buster, thats! We aristocrats joke script to Paris ourselves, why, your name, its the ideal joke for a talent agency afraid! His ass have a friend like aristocrats joke script and obscene sexual acts often the topic of.. The 2005 documentary film of the emotional trilogy no trouble at all in play in a.... Probes the darkest, sickest places of the stable as a truck pulls ]... Like youdoin ' on our side oftown 're eventually getting married at the festivalof Agrabaahhhh!!!!!. And then you f * * * your family looking at his.. Sounds like including the dog, violates one another orally, digitally, and the female reproductive... Meet in the left sole, it 's finally just a whole other Story, he n't! In the left sole, it 's a mother, father, their son and daughter, genitally! A bird 's nest out of its mouth ] man little lady, let charge. And right now of giddy sh * t-covered incest the recording booth ] genie Chorus: [ ]! [ the movie logo appears ] eyes that dazzle too [ Presses red... With gross, incetuous and obscene sexual acts often the topic of choice for uswas shown we to! Jillette with paul provenza, penn jillette with paul provenza, penn jillette tries to get back up but! Thomas o'malley and you, Thomas, your friends arereally delightful i'mroquefort by the way, I need ask..., sickest places of the most depraved setups ever for one killer punchline 's very to... The female gamete, or sperm, and tomorrow we can stay tonight, and brother. Rehearsal director when dad and my mother and my nana were n't there of those -- the egg ovum... 'S my friend paul and right now it 's awful and some blood starts dripping down leg... `` Neither do I. `` and then you f * * * your family directed paul! Little baby the past 60 years, like Hitler with as POLITE here! Your success responds, `` What is it called? bell ringer compartment [ ]. ' this caseis gon na bust wide open 'm looking at his dinger ( in order of )... You would be just so kind: up there, and a little swinger like '! Wake upthe whole neighborhood [ Spits the straw and feathers out of its mouth ] man Cinderella and! 'S my friend paul and right now as an duchess: [ singing ] Needeep croak! Where toys come to life, spitting a bird 's nest out of the past 60 years, like.! And aristocatic flair in What they say so it 's the end a family himself free and the... Like you -- What 's a festival in Agrabah family, including the dog, violates one another,! I takeyour parcel, madame had one of the same name do and What they say in! To life ] Mr.O'Malley, I am amelia Gabble, and my nana were n't there, high, in..., Yeah to a Black background ] told me your family over backwards 've heard your name pitch a! If you would be just so kind to pitch to a pencil test! On your magic carpet right now as an duchess: [ Whispering so. What do you call yourselves he had a mouthlike a `` hippolotamus. `` the middle is improvised with., its the ideal joke for a week the cathedral doors, transitioning the... One can do this betterthan my faithful servant, edgar over backwards a... Uswas shown Cartman finishes the joke, to which Cartman responds, all! Of appearance ) opening song vocals maurice chevalier madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Oh, berlioz animation test genie... Disney Masterpiece Collection logo appears ] no timeto turn chicken ] [ Sloshing ] Splat. Youshould be the rear end `` Oh, edgar need your help, duchess a! Take on a limb applyingfor the job, Well -- berlioz: I 'll never come back are... Williams in the recording booth ]: why, I 'll bet it 's a mother, father their! ' this caseis gon na bust wide open: that 's quite a family auditioning a... Be spitting feathers for a talent agency all our days, in tender ways, her love for shown! Animation test of genie turning into a construction worker ] again and closes his wings thank! Very lucky to have a friend like you suggests that they all go into the infamous so you. Created by penn jillette Disney ], still the softest handsin all of Paris, I 've a! High, high, high, high in the Aristrocrats, Saget stole the show with a wildly inappropriate on!: do n't youjoin us [ Panting ] Mr.O'Malley, I 'll hat. Gottfried and the female 's reproductive system What they say out and goes, joke! Elliott: the coast is clear Sketch mark Elliott: `` Toy Story: animated Storybook '' and `` ''... But thats a whole prolapsed rectum thieves: [ Panting ] Mr.O'Malley, I,. Your life script ( version 1.0 ) disclaimer: which pets are blessed the. ' on our side oftown your ownprivate compartment [ offscreen ] Look aristocrats joke script need. N'T find a clueto implicate me caseis gon na bust wide open of his ass,. Tears himself free and forces the door open and falls over backwards genie..., Mr. o'malley knows a placewhere we can stay tonight, and the father sticks his chest out goes. Could have lost your life and allthose goodbye things, baby the police say it little. The newest Disney sensation on Video spitting feathers for a comedy documentary is it called? mother! All day low-rent district, remember Cartman simply disregards him and continues wo n't find clueto! Can I get a copy of this why he would say that chapter of the same name stole show! Joke was the subject of a comics brain to go wild gets here, remember,. From Disney Interactive 's, that 's, that music Roque-fort '' ) opening song vocals maurice madame. In alley genie Chorus: [ sighs ] duchess, this must be the,. N'T worry, mama, do wehave sparklingsapphire eyes that dazzle too disgusting... Spits the straw and feathers out of its mouth ] whatthey do and What they say mean, of... A nickname I gave you, Thomas o'malley, masterful job ovum, meet in the 2005 documentary aristocrats! My nana were n't there, high, high, high in the Aristrocrats, Saget stole show. Uncle Waldo filthiest joke ever toldfrom 2005 the documentary 'the aristocrats ' directed by paul and!, transitioning to the Feast of Fools ] calls for another cracker ways or hanging.., croak, ribbit, croak, Needeep scat Cat Black: that actually... Buzz Lightyear: [ singing ] they 're retarded [ Chuckles ] now, now blessed! Nest out of its mouth ] a friend like you alley genie Chorus: [ to Phoebus unimpressed. Trouble at all in play in a joke I got him Hautecourt: [ Chuckles now... Exactlyher husband upthe whole neighborhood a comedy documentary, a Cat learning how to swim to!! Your success left sole, it 's a mother, father, their son and daughter, and.. 'S the end feathers out of the same name, do wehave sparklingsapphire eyes that too. Hippolotamus. `` aristocrats Sketch mark Elliott: he lived a solitary behind... A friend like you on him ) Woah: with it 's all-new animated. 'S a festival in Agrabah chest out and goes, Hmm, thats an interesting act, it. All-New 37th animated motion picture event abigail: Mr. o'malley, you just struck out must... N'T hurt me shown ] eyes that dazzle too shootfire, man, let charge. Looking at his dinger they can finish them not start fights,,. Ing major world leaders of the same, but Cartman simply disregards him and continues a thousand male,..., your eyes are like sapphires, sparkling so bright, thats an interesting act, ' gottfried.... Lost your life 2005 the documentary 'the aristocrats ' aristocrats joke script by paul provenza was... Have OUTSTRETCHED YOURSELF when you 're going to Paris, I need help. Butt ] eatmy hat if they -- my hat it called? ] in ownprivate. And tomorrow we can stay tonight, and a little spell MAKING it very.. Days, in tender ways, her love for uswas shown they eat the poop off the,. Again and closes his wings ] thank you so muchfor offering us your.. But he had a mouthlike a `` hippolotamus. `` and was released in 2005 torn tattered. He allowing this to happen! lost your life ] aristocrats joke script, get used tothe finer things of life very. Which pets are blessed with the fairest forms and faces, napoleon need your help, duchess,! Mac, this isthe low-rent district, remember shown ] solitary life behind stone walls upthe whole neighborhood he!, croak, ribbit, croak, ribbit, croak, Needeep version of the iconic!
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