So my narcissist is married to my brother. The negative words they devalued you with can be used to justify why the relationship is no longer viable. The narcissist discard can be one of the most confusing, painful, and traumatic experiences a person can go through. Elinor Greenberg, PhD, CGP is inprivate practice in NYC and the author of the book "Borderline, narcissistic, and Schizoid Adaptations: The Pursuit of Love, Admiration and Safety.". They are particularly good at targeting mutual friends and even your own family. The sad truth is they almost certainly will return. Continue with Recommended Cookies, Seeing Through the Narcissist's Mask Ascending to a Higher Vibration. It wasnt safe and there was no right answer. His verbal abuse started shortly after the affair; around yr 2 of marraige. If you stay long enough, you become a super supply and the abuse will only get worse as they will test the grounds of how far they can go in their destruction. Leading up to and during the narcissist discard, they will seem angered and bothered by you all the time. Dont get me wrong I still want that I just dont want it with him. The feelings of hurt and loss are normal after being discarded by a narcissist. So now my punishment is the silent treatment and my parents cant see their grandchildren. they will find something else negative to do with their time. Narcissists are experts at controlling their world, but that control takes a serious amount of effort. Rejection and breakups are hard enough, but being ghosted can be traumatic. Very eloquent. This leads us to the next narcissist discard sign. pushing past me and now in my new apartment, he needed a couple of days for the V.A. I always knew when I was being devalued thats what would usually start the questioning. Its going to take time to heal; theres a lot of pain. The hoover is when they try to suck you back into their web by either guilting you or hooking you in through fear. I remember a few years before I left my narc husband, I came across some information about narcissism, which is when the penny dropped about my mother being a narc.Advertisementsif(typeof ez_ad_units != 'undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[336,280],'unmaskingthenarc_com-netboard-2','ezslot_14',114,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-unmaskingthenarc_com-netboard-2-0'); Although it took two more years for me to be pushed to leave my husband, it wasnt until after Id left that I realised he was also a narcissist. This is usually because either: A. Assuming the narcissist is actually done with you, the narcissist discard phase can be a blessing in disguise. Or, if I agreed with what he said, then Id just okayed his behaviour, with serves to strengthen his public storyline. Light & love to you gorgeous one. Karma eventually catches up to these horrible narc male womanisers. However, it is important to remember that you are not silly for being targeted by a narcissist. The Narcissist discard phase is often the final phase in the relationship. Before youve even had a chance to talk to anyone, the narc has already painted the picture for everyone, making anything you say completely unbelievable. To the narcissist though, the discard is a necessary component of preserving their self-image. Just as the name suggests, ghosting is a disappearing act. Your access to this service has been limited. Probably best you stay single since you struggle with gambling addiction and domestic violence. Youve ended it. Youre showered with praise, gifts, and affection (known as love-bombing); this is when the narcissist is at their best and they appear to be forming a genuine connection with you. Unbeknownst to me I was raised by a narcissist, then fell straight into the arms of another one and spent the next two decades being abused by him. By this point its much healthier for you to block them on social media unless theres a good reason not to. The narcissists final discard occurs when they finally have squeezed every last ounce of joy and self-worth from you. Ive been his walking mat, & he has no more use for me. Their sense of self is determined by what others think of them; they try to control what others think to feel better about themselves. He discarded me June 22. In all likelihood, this is untrue, but it may feel true to the narcissist as they arent feeling the same high they initially got from the relationship. Unfortunately, the love-bombing has little to do with you and a lot to do with the exhilaration the narcissist is feeling about themselves. When the narcissist looks at you and says such cruel words, they are in fact looking at the unmet parts of themselves, which they refuse to acknowledge. Youd think that after all of the toxic behaviour we experience at the hands of a narcissist, being discarded by them would be welcome. It is others that inspire me to never look back and that for all the good memories there are far more bad ones. The narcisist in my life was also my next door neighbour! I actually found these articles by googling how to make a narcissist miserable because she has me so far gone I was ready to just hurt her back right wrong whatever. Everything with a narcissist is purely transactional. Wow! But Ive certainly paid for that in a big way. Maggie x. Hi Maggie, do you have a youtube channel? If I answered those questions truthfully, I knew hed get me into a word salad and the conversation would continue to escalate until I caved and he got the result he wanted. I thought I was the only one that was going through that. This leads to recognition and acceptance that interaction of any sort will only result in more abuse. Far better for you gorgeous one to keep doing what you are doing which is healing yourself. I think I have just been too traumatized from all the years of abuse with my first narc, my childhood, other relationships and now him. You have the opportunity to step into your own power and be completely self-reliant. Without empathy and a conscience, they will do, say and pretend to be whatever they need to, purely to extract supply from others. Hold fast to your truth and use this as a reminder of why No Contact really was the most courageous act of kindness and mercy you needed to give yourself in order to be free. We were all apart of a deranged Narcs thought process who has/had the intentions to turn love into hateself esteem into low self esteem, etcget out of evils way, step aside and show them how things are really done, set the example of happiness, joy, peace laughter and LOVE. It was more of a stress and nightmare than good memories. Take No Responsibility For Everything. You are simply a new shiny object within the first 6 months to a year into the affair, after that you wont be all that anymore, the devalue and discard phase follows. They showed us a person who somewhat cared and feigned empathy where necessary. The narcissists silent treatment is actually a game. I knew hed stop at nothing and I was in complete shock that this person, who Id just given two decades of my life to, could turn on me without conscience. And so tonight I was looking and trying to really understand why everyone's story of the discard is so strong and so full of horror and shock. In fact, the more pain they see you in, the happier they seem to be. Once you see them for who they truly are and recognise their hoover tactics, the game is up. Just as the name suggests, ghosting is a disappearing act. Get out by any means necessary, block all contact with the N and anyone they associate with. What happens When You Ignore a Narcissist Who Dumped You? When the day is done, they are #1. Narcissistic discard is when a person with narcissistic tendencies ends their relationship with you. This. Relaying messages through friends. T hey've grown bored of the relationship and you serve no further purpose. Both the silent treatment and ghosting are crushing actions designed to prevent any resolution, growth, accountability, or closure to issues. Boasting about a new relationship and how well their life is going with the intent of showing how little you meant to them. The silent treatment is just the first step though. He will never stop cheating and lying. Meaning after the toxic relationship has come to an abrupt end. I know he wants to end things in person with me because he said he wants to have a serious talk in person and not via text. I saw a side of him Id never witnessed before in the twenty years Id known him (even through the abuse)! Narcissist Discard Signs Silent Treatment/ Ghosting Once a narcissist is done they will completely pull back from you. So, why bother? Theres no doubt about it, being on the receiving end of a narcissist discard is extremely painful. Stay strong in your truth. Narcissists thrive on attention and when someone goes silent on us, our first instinct is to ask them whats wrong. Then suddenly you will find a text from the guy on your phone. , 6 TACTICS! Maggie x. In fact after years of messy feuds, there are very few intact relationships in this narcissists family. You have very deliberately been programmed by the narcissist to doubt yourself at every turn. To their mind, there is really no need to sully their hands with any unnecessarily unpleasant conversation if you are of no immediate nor further benefit to them. By this point, you are their biggest threat because youre onto them. They have two children less than a year apart. Sorry, Im rambling now, it will take a long time to get over/past this, if I ever do. How can we feed the narcissist and still see the kids without losing our minds? Being in a toxic relationship makes you believe that everything negative that happens in a relationship is your fault. This last past is important as they need you to see yourself as unlovable. RELATED POSTS: Dating a Narcissist Divorce a Narcissist & Win Tips for Separating from a Narc Do They Miss You After Discard? 5 ways to counteract the narcissists gaslighting. The idea is to keep you in a state of anxiety, because they need you to feel as though you cant be happy without them. Twenty-nine phone calls is excessive to one apartment. Watch up. In fact, they kinda get off on it. *Providing closure is a lot of trouble to go through for someone who means so little to them *They have a new source of supply that fufills their neverending recurrent needs.for right now *They think So, why bother? Live Like No One's Watching Start Getting Help with Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Today Author Have you been discarded by a narcissist? Reclaim your freedom & joy and start your recovery journey now! If you are a WordPress user with administrative privileges on this site, please enter your email address in the box below and click "Send". They love the excitement of the chase, not the actual relationship. His verbal abuse slowly intensified over the 19 yrs, until I had to call the police last yr. Hes a raging narc. As with most narcissistic behaviours, the litmus test you can apply in pinpointing the difference between No Contact, the silent treatment and ghosting, is intention. However, it is others that inspire me to never look back and that for all good... Closure to issues it wasnt safe and there was no right answer he a... Goes silent on us, our first instinct is to ask them whats.. The 19 yrs, until I had to call the police last yr. Hes a narc. 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